Our Map: The Shape of a Cross

By Pastor Randy


In 2006 I went through a terrible, life-altering circumstance that left me wondering what I should do next.

I had accrued over $120,000 in hospital debt. I was in shock. I had no idea how I would get through it.

Anxious and uncertain, I knelt in my bedroom and prayed for direction and wisdom.

God’s wisdom prevailed as He first led me to Philippians 4:19 which says,

“And the same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”

That day I (was) determined to walk in God’s wisdom.

I went to the hospital and talked to the administrator.

Divinely, that person forgave my debt and miraculously assisted me with my additional expenses.

Thank You Lord! For this…because i admit i grew cold, just thinking of going to the Administrator! (rage i figure, fear?)

Praying about it, then moving forward, on it, in it-key here is, this person had a directive, from the Holy Spirit, in that Bible Verse coming up.

Bear in mind, that it may not be a Bible verse for you, yet clearly it may be, a thought, an inspiration, that did not occur to you before.

i always assumed these things, these thoughts, inspirations, were coming from me, B.C.

Especially since i was losing coherent thought (only noticed in the past year or 2, the Holy Spirit shows me, a lot longer than that), and my preliminary study of the Gifts (Craftmanship mainly, in the Bible)…

Has led me to understand that not only i, humanity itself (especially Western Society), believes our thoughts, our inspiration, comes from our own selves, only!

My mind, my intelligence, the quickness of it, my memory, failed, and kept failing.

i finally started to acknowledge something was going on, that i knew not.

i spoke, “Lord, only You know what is going on, i do not. i need Your help, You are the only one who can help me, who can heal me.”

i imagined touching His face, while i said it too.

Not intentional imagination, not anymore.

i believe because i use to purposely imagine touching Yeshua, that it happens naturally now, almost as much as i would with a person, physically in front of me. (Almost)

i say this because one of my major love languages is touch.

During disciple training, i did a speech, pointing out how Elohim, Yeshua, does all 5 Love Languages.

He is our Father. My Mother, My Husband, My Best Friend…my Everything.

(Learn to make this so true! In your heart, in your spirit, from shouting to a whisper & back again, for love cannot hide itself.) πŸ˜€

And He loves even those who hate Him. He will make your enemies bow down, to Him, make them do what He wants, when it comes to those He dearly loves.

We become such a close, intimate, lover, when we spend close, intimate time with Him! πŸ˜€

He is Our Provider, Our Shepherd, ie: Husband.

For males as well as females.

All of humanity is searching for Him, and the majority know it not.

i asked to be completely satisfied in the Lord.

i asked Him!

To be disatisfied, frustrated, depressed, felt like dishonor.

i ask for help with my unbelief.

These things are worth more than gold & silver, a car, a house, a spouse, friends, children even.

My health, my frame of mind, my peace is dependent on My Everything. β€πŸ’—

Elohim. 😍


The Holy Spirit.πŸ’˜

Our everything. πŸ’•

i am paying attention to where He isn’t my Everything.

i am noticing how much fear occupied my life.

It is scary & i wonder how i lived so long, without Him.

Then i remember i didn’t, i wasn’t living, i was surviving!

And that lifeboat was sinking!

Never occurred to me to be so bold after praying. Not like this.

So i am praying for help in this area.

For i desire feeedom!

After a couple of years of praying, fasting on Hallow’s Eve, against the Spirit of Fear (fear is the motivation behind all demonic activity, for in His Presence there is none.

Adam & Eve never experienced fear, until that day.

Eating from the tree of fear, we did, we do! (wow)

Choose a different tree! Different fruit!


A tree without fear. Fruit without fear in it!

Yeshua Provides! πŸ˜€

(gonna stop & delve into this revelation!)

In Yeshua’s holy name, amen! πŸ˜€


β€œYou Can Be Direct Without Being Rude and You Can Be Assertive Without Being Disagreeable.”


staying mired in worst-case thinking is probably too high a price to pay just to avoid the small chance that one day I’ll be blindsided by something. So it’s a bad habit, and I’d like to get out of it.

people end up less happy – both at work and in the rest of life – because they hesitate to speak up about what’s important to them.

you actually can speak up about things that are bothering you at work

What I’ve tried to do in the new book is to walk people through exactly what those conversations can look like,

book, (by Alison Green)-Ask a Manager: How to Navigate Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work

June 1, 1921: The Attack on Black Wall Street | Black Then

June 1, 1921: The Attack on Black Wall Street | Black Then
β€” Read on blackthen.com/june-1-1921-the-attack-on-black-wall-street-concludes-with-more-shootings-bea/

This is why, anywhere in the USA, black people set up, will be destroyed.

No matter how Uncle Tom they are (ie: Oprah, Steve Harvey, Kanye West, all Oreos, etc)

We (they) know this. Tap dance for the money love, bullets to make you dance (OJ Simpson, Bill Cosby, current attack on Morgan Freeman. Plus many other unnamed things, like the murder of Bill Cosby’s son, years ago. Does Morgan Freeman have children?)

Bill Cosby had enough cash to actually buy NBC.

What has happened, the guilty verdict, his confession, etc, is The Killing of Black Wallstreet, modern day, National TV, even OJ.

For it is very interesting to me how many in USA society know technology today, makes it easy to put out a simulation of you, having you say what you would never say.

Yet we believe whatever we see, right?

We are even shown how images can be/are manipulated, replaced, etc.

Yet we believe Michael Jackson said there was nothing wrong with it.

Even though we’ve seen people who look exactly like Michael Jackson, dance, walk & talk like MJ, to the point where even i caught my breath.

Without technology manipulation, USA society knows this.

Yet we still believe what we see and hear, right?

Burning house Kanye, burning house Oprah, burning house Steve Harvey.

The very public lynching of OJ Simpson, because Johnny Cochran Jr? is dead…murdered too.

He would’ve never allowed OJ to be ‘tried again’ in public.

Did Johnny Cochran Jr have any children?

Because Malcolm X aka Maliq El Shabbaz’s grandson, if he is still alive, is blacklisted for life, trying to live a normal life, get a job, etc, out of the question for him.

Even Maliq’s Daughter was ‘entrapped’ by lies.

We will never be free from white supremacy, as long as other Caucasians are not willing, enmass, to be like the ones killed right beside Medgar Evers.

That too, buried.

Help me not ‘dance’ in the flames around me, under my feet Lord.

For desperation, pure desperation, is the only reason that Oreos are needed.

What happens as soon as Oreo ‘ads’ are no longer ‘needed’?

Just like Gamer, no one is meant to survive, yet someone always believes they will be…what, Spartacus?

For he was killed too.

So, that is the death i choose. Spartacus. (betcha Sparta had a lot of black in them).

Like Christ Himself, who too was lied upon, tortured and murdered, just like Black Wall Street was/is, today.

All the victims of any type of supremacy worldwide?

Remember who/what is actually behind all of this…

For we will never be free from supremacy until we take responsibility for it personally!

Rooting out anything in us, that we don’t even know of, that is against the Holy Spirit.

We do this by be willing to hear & see what we do not want to, from Yeshua Himself.

Far too many of us are ‘comfortable’ where we are, with how things are.

Nothing is how it should be.

How the Holy Spirit wants it to be.

Not how we believe He wants it to be.

For none of us are free of the Spirit of Control. We are either Jezebel or Ahab, in some way.

i pray about this, in myself.

To allow the Holy Spirit to use me freely.

For any desire i have to control, if it doesn’t happen the way i expect…

the Lord, the Holy Spirit allows me to see and hear many things about myself, i didn’t want to.

Good & bad things.

Who else is willing to do such everyday?

Who else is willing to hear & see what they do not want to, from the Holy Spirit, about themselves?

Like Isaiah i say, ” I will Lord!”

It’s been a doozy.

My Lord shows me, me, with the Love & Trust we have established between us.

My loyalty, my dedication, the Holy Spirit has gained from me.

My eternal devotion.

Allow the Holy Spirit to develop deeper trust with you!

Begin by giving more personal time with Yeshua, just enjoying His Presence.

By Breathing In Yeshua, Breathing Out.

You take time to breathe.

Start by being grateful for each breath for as long as you can, purposefully, consciously saying it in your head.

Just an example.

It is easy.

You will see how effective this is, when everything else tries to stop you, interrupt you, rush you.

This is meditating on Christ, with Christ.

Without any paganistic forms of meditation (ie: Yoga, etc)

Even though, my body is dedicated to Christ, being aware of paganistic programs is helpful, asking for His forgiveness while i do yoga for instance.

This is for you Lord!

Is sufficient.

Watching a film with cursing in it, i repeated words of life instead, and prayed to be relieved of this addiction to media such as this.

(An example of taking Yeshua with me, IN my sin!)

You will feel it.

The more we share our hearts with Him, the more He gives us a new heart in return.

In Yeshua’s holy name, amen.

Apply for The Audacious Project | TED Blog

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β€” Read on blog.ted.com/calling-all-social-entrepreneurs-nonprofit-leaders-apply-for-the-audacious-project/

June 10th Deadline (for 2019?)



Anchor Point Foundation


The Anchor Point Foundation supports a broad range of efforts by individuals and organizations who are working to improve their communities in the following areas: arts, education, entrepreneurship, environment and conservation, health and human services, international development, progressive public policy and social justice, and women and girls.

The Anchor Point Foundation was founded by the husband and wife team Brad Feld and Amy Batchelor.

(to see more click on the link above)



I Cut Netflix!

<clutching my heart & gasping for air!>

Done this before and i didn’t do well!

i am addicted to movies!

Not TV!


This time i pledge to replace the movie desire, everytime it comes up with… with?


Something i neglect often,

my artistic self.

Pinterest will be my new Netflix! πŸ™‚

(trading one addiction for another? YES! Like Methadone off of Heroin!)

The withdrawls are real!

Thank goodness i do not have a digital converter or any tv subscription service!

And there are other free ways for me to watch a movie or tv. Of which i will strive to limit to eating times & late…ok screw that!

For i know better than to attempt two changes at the same time!

Breathe! In Christ, Breathe Out!

(panic attack again (anxiety/stress)

For this meme keeps bothering me:

i’ve posted this quote before.

Just this meme/quote has me seeing how much i’m still striving to please others!

From housekeeping to…

Ok, just the housekeeping for now.

For i have also ran across this:

Being accused of procrastination really hurts.

Yet, it is not procrastination or rather, “What is behind the fear?”

It is all the things i wasn’t ‘allowed’ to do!

Clutter is frustration!

Hence stress, depression & anxiety!

I am still living with the restrictions of my childhood!

For i’ve been re-thinking housekeeping lately.

I’m like, ‘Why don’t i apply my innovation (that i have in business ideas (artistic ones too)) to housekeeping?’

Adding that these ideas may become profitable in themselves as a motivator.

For there is waaay too much anxiety, stress and depression around my financial situation!

i tell myself to hand it over to Yeshua and i find it so hard to do!

i hand over the momentary anxiety & stress of my finances to Yeshua, the Holy Spirit.

Yet, i’m on my hands and knees in pain!

This pain i find difficult to remove.

To let go of. To scoop up and hand over!

i don’t even want to touch it!

i can’t!

For i am too busy reacting to this festering, septic, gangrene wound spreading in my abdomen!

i stagger with these thoughts, while the Holy Spirit reminds me of another time i felt this way.

How long it took for it to go away, the stages of it.

This ‘poor mentality’, this life, this mindset, is akin to the wounds of sexual abuse.

At least for me.

Similar difficulty of letting go.

Letting go of the anger is step one.

By admitting i have it, concerning my income, has me reeling, at the depths of it, the implications.

The key is allowing onself to feel the rage, without judging it…the thoughts and feelings that go with it.

For i am also angry with myself.

I am facing all of my anger about this.

To not be afraid of acting in this anger?

Is a testimony to the inner workings of Christ, within me.

(told ya tantrum time would come in handy!) πŸ˜€

In/with Christ, Yeshua, i have a safe place.

A place where i can scream, rage and purge despair.

For these things kill me, make me sick, are the root to much of my dis-ease-s.

Rage and despair are the roots to many diseases.

Of humanity.

In Christ, i can release these things, i remind myself. He gently reminds me, touches me.

Makes me sane.

This is why it is vital that we get our relationship with Christ fixed first!

Abandon everything!

Sacrifice all things, for 5 min of …

Purging with Christ.

Or just Breathe In Yeshua, Breathe Out.

For parts of me have grown cold and still with all this talk…

Me taking my own advice (of Breathing in Christ) made me see that.

Fear so deep, one forgets to breathe, like bugs do, like rodents do…play dead, stop moving.

Or because the gangrene hurts my ribs.

All this visualization, helps me get my hands on this rage.

No longer just angry, rage. Insane with it, better than depression, despair.

i can safely experience this due to Yeshua, hallelujah!

There are other steps.

Yet i must remain here, with me touching my rage.

For i need to see how deep it goes, i need to know why i am in this much pain, where it’s coming from, the root of it.

To allow the Holy Spirit to show me, because i don’t want to.

i’m scared to.

Yet these are feelings i have acquired B.C.

i remind myself, He touches me gently again.

Communicating without words.

For they would hurt too much.

TY Yeshua, ty Yeshua.